31 Days of Lessons Learned: Don’t Stifle Your Child’s Creativity and Decision-Making (Girls Can Be Batman Too)

31 Days of Lessons Learned:  Day Twenty Six

Don’t Stifle Your Child’s Creativity and Decision-Making (Girls Can Be Batman Too)

Before I get started on this lesson, let me make a quick note.  While I mention it’s important to give your child the space to blossom and find their own way, if he/she is doing something wrong or potentially harmful, I would recommend stepping in and stopping the behavior and/or decision-making.

OK, on with the lesson.

I think we’re all guilty of trying to force our will on someone from time-to-time and making them be something they don’t want to be.  I’ve learned that I don’t really like it when it happens to me, so one of the conscious decisions I made when I found out I was going to be a dad was to make sure my daughter wasn’t exposed to that type of thing.  While I want to guide her and teach her right from wrong, it’s important for me to let her discover herself and her creativity by the decisions she makes in life.

I was almost guilty of this recently though when we were hunting for her Halloween costume.  At first, she wanted to be a monkey.  Then, with about two weeks to go, she changed her mind to a squirrel.  We had trouble coming up with a passable squirrel costume, so we decided to let her loose in a costume store.  We went to her section and let her choose the costumes to try on.  It was almost costume overload because she had about six costumes she was choosing from initially.  Right when we had it narrowed down to a reasonable number of costumes, Lily added one last costume to the list:  Batman.

My inner geek was extremely proud.  The Batman fanatic in me might have shed a tear.

After that initial swell of pride hit, I started to panic.

Would people confuse her for a boy?  Would people think I put her up to it?  Can I talk her into a Batgirl costume?  What would people think?

Because I had those thoughts, I tried my hardest to talk her into going with a cute little witch costume.  In the end, my daughter’s mind was made.  She was going to be Batman.

The more I thought about it, the more I chastised myself for my original thinking.  How cool is it that my daughter chose Batman as her costume?  I think that’s awesome.  And to think, I was going to impose my will on her and make her settle for a witch costume.

Want to know what’s even cooler than my daughter dressing up as Batman?

My wife is making me a Robin costume.

Watch out come Halloween because the Dynamic Duo is on the prowl.

BatLily – at today’s Detroit Zoo Boo.

31 Days of Lessons Learned: American Girls Dolls are expensive!

31 Days of Lessons Learned:  Day Seventeen

American Girl Dolls are expensive!

 

When my wife and I found out we were pregnant, I wanted a girl and thankfully that’s what he had.  Of course I would have loved a son just as much, but deep down, I wanted to have a daughter so she could be referred to as “Daddy’s Little Girl.”  I knew by having a girl though, I was in for a little bit of a learning curve, but I was ready (see below for examples)!

See, I even passed a class…I was ready.

Practicing for upcoming dress up and tea parties.

So, I’ve taken the new learning as an opportunity to be a better parent.  Sure, there’s been a few bumps in the road, but my wife and I are doing a good job at this whole parenting thing.  In fact, I feel like we’re just starting to hit our stride and have a lot of fun as a family.

That belief came crumbling down this week though.  What happened that knocked me down a peg and showed me that I still have a lot to learn?

We received an American Girl Catalog in the mail.

Out of curiosity, I flipped through it to see what the big deal was.  I used to be the vendor liaison for the publisher that published the American Girl books, so I was fairly familiar with the world of American Girl.  Well, after flipping through that catalog, and removing my jaw from the table and putting it back, I learned two things:

1)  I still have a lot to learn about being the father of a girl

2)  American Girl Dolls are expensive!

Seriously, the clothes for these dolls cost more than the clothes I wear!  The accessories cost more than the clothes I wear.  The price of a doll and an outfit costs more than a week and a half of groceries for our house.  And, for the price of the kid-sized outfits your child can get to match their doll costs more than the clothes I wear.

If American Girl is just the beginning of the iceberg, I’m guessing I’m going to have a pretty skinny wallet for years.

Thankfully, I recycled the catalog before my daughter could see it. 

31 Days of Lessons Learned: Memories come in all shapes and sizes

31 Days of Lessons Learned:  Day Sixteen

Memories come in all shapes and sizes

Each night, my wife and I talk about our daughter and how much fun we have as parents.  We talk about how much she’s grown in the past two and a half years, and all of the memories we’ve had along the way.  Sure, we have memories of all of her milestones:  first words, first steps, first time using the potty, and the like, but something happened last night that made me realize that I need to make sure I give equal weight to the little moments because those moments may just be the most memorable long-term.

Before I go into what happened last night, here’s my one quick piece of parenting advice:  Don’t wish your child older.  Why?  Well, it’s simple.  As Lily grows, I’m finding that her current development period is my favorite.  Why rush it when the ride is so memorable?  Your kid will grow up a lot quicker than you expect, so sit back and enjoy the ride.

OK, back to last night.  My wife was making dinner and there was about an hour before it was ready.  I wanted to head up to Vault of Midnight (the best comic shop I’ve ever been to) to pick up Batman #13.  I’ve been waiting patiently for this issue and it was finally out.  I figured it would be fun for Lily to come, so I parked about four blocks away (free parking) and we started walking.

There we were, hand in hand, singing the ’60s Batman TV theme song, on our way to pick up that comic.  When we got there, she was very interested in the action figures and the comics…pointing out her favorite heroes (Batman and Spider-Man).  She also made sure I got issue #13 and serenaded the folks in the store with the ’60s Batman theme on our way out.

After our fun visit to the comic shop, we then made a quick surprise visit to grandma Cyndi’s store, Lily Grace Cosmetics (catchy name, huh?) and headed home.

Oh, I also have to mention that we did all this while Lily wore a cupcake stocking hat and a pink spiky backpack…that’s just how we roll.

My daughter, the Koopa Troopa

Even though this little trip to the comic shop was such a small event in the grand scheme of my daughter’s growth, I’m never going to forget it.  I had so much fun from start to finish:  we talked, we sang, we ran, we hopped, we got to go look at comics, we saw grandma…if that’s not the making of a good memory, I don’t know what is.

Just remember, no matter how big or small, don’t take the opportunity to make a memory for granted.

31 Days of Lessons Learned: Mean People Suck – What we can learn from Amanda Todd’s Death

31 Days of Lessons Learned:  Day Fifteen

Mean People Suck – What we can learn from Amanda Todd’s Death

I read about Amanda Todd’s story for the first time today.  I’m disgusted on many levels:  as a person, as an adult, and as a parent.  Her story is absolutely heartbreaking.  Sure, she made a mistake by flashing on the internet, but no one deserves to to go through the hell and torment she did leading up to her death.  I think I’m affected by this story even more because I’m a father of a little girl myself.  She’s not quite three yet, but I think about the world she’s coming up in every single day.  She’s growing up in an age where bullying seems more prevalent than ever before.  She’s growing up in an age where people just don’t think about the repercussions of their actions.  I can only protect her so much though.  She needs to be raised to be a strong-willed , confident, and comfortable with herself.  I also want to make sure she knows she can always come to me when something is bothering her.

I almost wonder if things might be different if Amanda had someone to talk to?  Her YouTube video is just devastating to watch and I think it’s important for everyone to watch because it really shows the affects (and effects for that matter) of bullying and torment.  If anything good comes out of this tragedy, it’s that I hope Amanda’s story helps save kids who may be in the same situation.  Not only that, I hope the person who threatened Amanda with releasing the pictures is found, tried, and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.  At the basic level, this man is guilty of harassment and possession of child pornography.  Throw the book at him!

Here’s her YouTube video.  Hopefully, this will help you look at the issue of bullying and cyber bullying in a new light.

Aside from the video, I would also recommend you read Jay Asher’s YA novel called 13 Reasons Why.  I read it when it came out and I still think about it to this day.  It deals with a lot of the same issues brought out by bullying and Amanda Todd’s story.  It’s heart-breaking, yet triumphant.  It’s well-written and it will make you think, which is probably one of the most important things when dealing with bullying.  If a bully thought about the consequences of their actions – some of which could be fatal – they just may have a change of heart the next time they wanted to harass someone.

13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher

What’s even more tragic than Amanda’s story is that this is not an isolated incident.  People are getting bullied across the country – about religion, sexuality..you name it; some to the point of the same end result as Amanda Todd…it’s completely tragic.  We’re better than this people.

Sure, we’ve all been bullied before in life and some take it better than others.  For me, my weight and the fact that I moved around a lot were what I was bullied about as a kid.  I let it slide, but it still sucked.  Just stop bullying okay?  As the Trevor Project says, “it gets better.”  It really does.  I have a great wife and kid and most of the folks who bullied me have not fared as well.  There’s always someone out there to help you…don’t go it alone.

In the meantime, parents…hug your kids extra tight tonight.

A Quick Note on My Hiatus

As some of you may have noticed, my posts have become sparse as of late.  The truth is, I started a new job in October and I’ve been so geared in to being an amazing employee, that I haven’t been blogging as much.

I also think the fact that my kid is now past two and in total toddler mode is playing a factor as well.  Never underestimate the power of an active two-year-old to tire you out at night.

Never fear though, my blog will be back up again soon.

Until then, you can find me in the following places:

Twitter

cinemanerdz.com

And…coming soon, a Horror Blog featuring former Borders employees!

Also, if you are here because of Babel Clash, have no fear…it’s back!  Thanks B&N!

 

‘Til next time…

Infiltrating the free AADL Toddler Playtime hour

I’m now on week four of unemployment, and while I have the itch to get back to work ASAP, I feel like I’m getting into a routine for the most part.  Sure, I still haven’t learned to clean up as well as I would like (and as well as my wife would like I’m sure), but I think I have the fun and educational stuff down.  Lily is napping right now, so I wanted to put up a little blog before I start picking up.  Yesterday, I spent her entire nap time applying for jobs and writing cover letters.  So today, I thought the ole blog needed some attention.  In the coming days, expect some posts about cooking (I did some awesome cooking last week that only my iPhone camera, my wife, Lily, and I know about), weight loss (I’m back on the wagon and seeing results), and writing (I have a new found motivation, now I just need to find the time…plus NaNoWriMo is coming up!).  Today though, I wanted to touch briefly on one of the things Lily and I have done recently:  Baby playtime at the public library!

Lily and I have been three times, all with varying success.  I will say that after three times, it is more fun for the parent if you go when you know another parent who is going.  Lily and I went today without a friend and it just didn’t feel right.  In fact, today’s trip wasn’t as fun and successful as I hoped, but Lily still had fun and we’re looking forward to going back again soon.

The playtimes at the Ann Arbor libraries consist of about 15 minutes of song and dance (which Lily loves the most), then 45 minutes of play.  Our libraries have some great toys and activities.  I know I always complain that I never really see my tax dollars at work, but the library programming is well worth it!  Usually, Lily runs around like a wild animal and has an absolute blast (in fact, two weeks ago, she escaped the play room and ran half way through the library with little ole me chasing along).  Today felt different though.  Thinking back on it, I really think it had to do with quantity of children.  This was the biggest group of the three playtimes we’ve been at, and I think Lily was simply overwhelmed.  She essentially shied away from all the kids and played on her own, which is a bummer because I bring her to these activities mainly for socialization.  If any of my readers have any ideas on less imposing socialization activities, drop me an e-mail or a comment.

The reason I called this blog “Infiltrating” is because as a stay-at-home Dad, I feel like I’m in the minority when it comes to these play groups.  It is slightly overwhelming, but so far the group of mothers who attend the playtimes seem very welcoming and accommodating.  They don’t necessarily strike up conversations with me or anything, but I don’t get dirty looks that question why I’m there, which is nice.  We all share one thing in common and that’s our love for our children.  I may still look like a fish out of water at times, but I’ll be a playtime pro in no time.  Now, all I need to do is learn those damn songs so I can stop faking like I’m singing along.

Oh, two more coming attractions for future blog posts.

1)  Lily and I checked out some potty training books, so you know what that means!

2)  We’re coming pretty close to October, which is one of my favorite months.  As a huge fan of Halloween, horror, and things that go bump in the night, I’m going to start featuring my picks and the like on this blog for a fright-filled October!

Thoughts on unemployment

When Friday comes around, this will be my first full week as a former Book Buyer (I’ll never say former bookseller because as long as I can read, I’ll do whatever I can to make sure people have great reading recommendations).  One weird thing about unemployment that I didn’t really expect is that your day just zooms by.  This may be because I’m also acting as Mr. Mom while out of work.  We pulled our daughter out of daycare, which is a bummer because she was really blossoming.  This offers up a particular challenge for me because I don’t want her to stall her development.  Even though Nick Jr. states they’re like pre-school on TV, I can’t just sit her in front of the TV for eight hours a day.

To keep her stimulated yesterday, we made a huge mess.  For instance, we pulled all the pillows off our couch (which has been lovingly christened as Napzilla and Napzuki for each side of the couch) and used them to create an awesome fort.  We played in the fort for most of the morning, and I must say I had an absolute blast.

Going back to my love of books, I think my wife and I have already passed that down to our daughter, which means I really want physical books to never go away (shop at bookstores dammit!).  Her standard go-to books used to be Leslie Patricelli and Batman books.  If the folks in our family ever read My First Batman Book to Lily ever again, it may be too soon.  Me, on the other hand, eat that up.  Lately though, her love of Batman is being eclipsed by her love for Olivia (Ian Falconer).  I counted and I read it to her six times today.  I eat that kind of stuff up!  I even took Lily to the library to look for Olivia library books.  This was Lily’s first trip to the library, and thankfully, she was in awe by the selection.  I remember when I was a kid, I used to check out 5-10 books a week.  I hope Lily feels that way too when she gets older.

I think this is it for tonight.  I promised you all a post about my thoughts of the Borders liquidation.  You’ll get it, I promise.  Just not right yet.  The wound is still a little fresh. I am thinking of starting up two blog though – one to cater towards folks of my old stomping ground (Babel Clash) would love, and another about being a (temporary) stay-at-home dad.  Who knows, if income happens for these blogs, maybe I will be a stay-ay-home dad forever!

Also, since I am a bookseller, I want to tell you about Ex-Heroes by Peter Clines.  I’m halfway through it and I absolutely love it.  It’s a very clever take on zombie fiction that made me wonder why I never thought of that idea.  If you have any other zombie suggestions, feel free to leave a comments!